Peter leaned on the bookshelf, his shoulders waned down. His eyes unbuttoned as he hung the magazine he had in his hand sadly by his waist.

"It's okay Pete, we've moved on," I said. "Some people just have to move on."

I faced away from him, selecting between two books which titles I didn't care for, with pages I didn't feel to read, but I flipped through anyways, just to look preoccupied. Just to seem like it was indeed okay. "I never really belonged there anyways. I mocked and patronized the church, and never fit in. I left awhile ago, and since then I've had sex with incredible women, went to places I wouldn't have been able to go, and did things that I just wouldn't have done, if I was in church."

"Yeah, but you should still come back, you still need God in your life."

"Maybe," I replied. "But remember how you said I needed to be different, and that there was nothing wrong with me and deep down I was misunderstood and was really a good person, but I just needed to be different to fit in. . ." I stared at Pete's head, his eyes still wearing away.

"Well I was different," I said. "I just didn't belong in your church."

The Tense Timid Air Circles Around You

Timid people have no reason to treat people like they're lower than themselves. These timid people, stop conversations, flare out arguments, over what! What is so important in life that these people have such an uptight view on the world? How could you, after your mom has bought you a car, after your family has sent you to college, say that your family needs to get a grip on life. Say that your friends need to be better people. What have you done for people? What have you paid back that you've taken? You're the one who needs to get a grip on things.

We! We are the ones with actual problems, settled in the corners of fucked up situations. We were the ones that never got saved. We were the ones that never asked for anything, and worked tooth and nail biting our way through ever since we could stand. We were the ones that needed saving more than anyone else. Where was our ride home? Where was our dinner? Where was our money to go to college? Where was our computers linking us to the opportunities that came short in of walking distance? Where was our HOME? Where? We had nothing!

You timid ones tell everyone to piss off, fuck off, quietly jestering the fact that you have no friends. No social crown. You're just lightly playing the crowds only to someday realize, the only people who bow down to your self acclaimed life are pathetic artifial people who will say anything for you, do anything for you, love the fact that they are second to you, and kiss the floors your foot traces shapes. Those aren't real people. They're facilitations. Unimportant ghost. The real people, are having a good time, patting each other on the back, fucking around, and asking where everyone will be tomorrow. Why? Because they have a sense of humor. And they could make friends.

See, I tell a joke and you get offended then leave. And a tense timid air surrounds the room even without you there, as if you just farted.

But, when you come into a room, the circle sees you, and that same tense timid air surrounds the room.

I fuck with you because I know you can't take it. I fuck with you because you know you need the change. I fuck with you because everyone around you deserves it. I fuck with you because your too fucking uptight, and you really deserve to smile. I fuck with you because you need it.

I fuck with you because I want to, because I deserve to.

I fuck with you because it's soo easy.

lights off

In the evening when we come home we turn the lights off to save electricity.

At night, when we're sleeping, we turn the lights on to avoid getting robbed.

At Large

I wonder what I should do about Grace.

Grace. <<
She went into a relationship a few weeks ago. Now every so often I check back with her profile, I see updates on who she is. It depresses me. The truth is, I fell for her. Since the first day, since the time I walked up to meet her, thinking, this is the one I'm going to take it slow with. This is the one who's going to stay. She didn't.

Like most PUA's, and like myself, I held out for the girl. Called her voicemail, and waited. Talked to her online, made plans to meet, and waited. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. She fell off the map. I saw her almost every time I got online. And I beat myself up for this little short punk music listening girl. I beat myself up for all women I meet and fail with.

I should just delete her.

But I know I won't. I know I'll regret it.

When I look at my life moving forward. I know there will be places I travel. I don't know whether or not I'd choose to share those places with someone, or find those places of someone.

I removed Nicole this morning. She got into a relationship. I thought about what leaving her on there could do for me. Then I thought about what taking her off altogether could do for me. So I took her off.

It's not something I'm proud of doing. It's just something I need to do altogether. Not hold out for people.

What you see, is so much more.

I, and a few others, transferred to Ms. Mullen's class the day before she was going to give out the test in 7th grade. She said if the new students wanted they could take it for extra credit. I sat at home, took my biology book, and read the chapter twice that evening. I woke up and read it again. It was lunch. I stayed in an empty classroom and read the chapter again, outloud, just like the other three times. I was 2 points away from an A. Out of 30 something people who've been studying the same subject for 2 months, I managed to get a better score than most of those people within one evening and one morning.

It was sophomore year when we had to write a poem. I threw a bunch of 4 letter words together, with rhymes bluntly stabbed in places, hoping that they would work. I remember looking at my end product. I remember not feeling so great about it when I turned it in. The big deal wasn't that I made a terrible poem, it wasn't, in fact there was probably no way I could've done poorly on it. It was a poem. However, the problem was, that I thought I was so much more better.

I spent my whole freshmen year doing whatever I could to beat Shawn in Cross Country. Why, because I thought I was so much more better, and after pretty much one third of the season, I did. I just wanted to be better. I just wanted to be more. After my poorly composed poem I threw myself in the corner of every local library and dissected poetry from John Keats, Robert Browning, Pablo Neruda, Emily Dickinson. I read several books on the art of producing poetry. How to books. Vocabulary books. Poetry for Dummies. Vocabulary for Dummies. I would attempt to read The Count of Monte Cristo and never get passed the first few chapters because all I cared about was looking up every single word that I did not know. I read chapters on assonance, the use of repeating vowel sounds. Onomatopoeia. Paradoxes. Stuff no normal teenager with a life would actually embark on finding out unless they really had to. I, on the other hand, had no life.

After a long long intimate timid relationship with words, I gradually, but not easily, eased off of it. I remember reading my classmates essay one day. We were reading essays out loud and after I read a certain sentence, I asked her if she noticed that it rhymed with itself. I said the sentence outloud again. I don't remember the sentence, but I remember that one of the words that rhymed was "pregnancy."

It wasn't until 2 years ago when I took a college poetry class, that I finally realized that I was reading mostly all poetry wrong; pausing after each line as if it were a sentence when there was no rhyme scheme. My class of pencil pushing, eyeglass wearing, tight pants conformed classmates looked down on me as the "untalented jock." I still remember everyone's face, I still remember my teacher's face, when I pointed out the reoccurring sounds in a poem, and called it assonance. Everyone's face flooded with confusion.

I wasn't stupid. I was never stupid to begin with. Somehow how I just come off that way.

After I watched Mystery talk on Conan O'Brien. I drove to Barnes and Nobles everyday and read The Mystery Method, along with several books about etiquette. After Mystery Method, it was The Game. After The Game, after reading a lot of Classic Writings, I was supposed to read Sinn's Speed Seduction. But, someone showed me Magic Bullets, The Routines Manual, How to make friends and influence people. I never had time to write field reports. I never saw my early successes as much of anything. I only saw them as assignments.

There are things I failed poorly at. There are things I failed to excel in. Guitar. Starting a business. Getting a minimum wage job. With most of these thing I feel my intelligence hasn't flourished. My potential squandered. And having hyperthyroidism, a disease that increases your metabolism sometimes messing with my nervous system, isn't helping.

Tim Ferris said, "It is often times what you do, not how you do it, that is the determining factor. This is the difference between being effective, doing the right things, and being efficient, doing things well whether or not they're important."

I remember one of my colleagues wrote on his blog years ago that he writes essays for fun as a result to taking so and so's class. I remember because I bet he thought he was a really cool nerd for self validating himself. Well I write essays and no one I know in real time is here to see how smart I am. No one ever knew what I was capable of. Whether it be blowing up a middle school, or writing a stupid essay. Where's my validation? It's nowhere. I'm doing this for myself. That I could be married with the woman I want. The books that I write that I'm happy with. The songs that I compose that say what I meant them to say. And the broad hope that maybe, just maybe, I'm doing something right.

Within minutes

The girl you're talking to mentions she has a boyfriend.

Her boyfriend's an okay guy. You barely know him.

You barely know her.


Within minutes

Her friendship draws you in peacefully

Her thoughts of you are only those you imagined

She laughs, she plays. The slight details of her eyes

Scream innocent drops of saliva churning under your tongue.


I'm glad we left early tonight. I'm glad

I left early tonight. She'll find it time to fall asleep.

And it was always inevitable. It was already written

the way she'll hold her hand in his.

I gave up on prayer a long time ago.

I gave up on prayer when God stopped listening.

Through the Window

(August 18)

I threw a punch. My closed fist ripped into my brother's eye. He threw a punch, and it landed in the back of my head, slightly disorienting me.


* * * * *


My brother stole my battery today. It was charging upstairs in the laundry room and I fell asleep. I was supposed to call Jason today, and figure out plans for the next 6 months of my incredibly not busy life. I asked my mom if she took the phone, and she said it should be where I left it, she just put it in a small box. Of course, the small box was a horded box filled with envelopes, small screws, and infinite papers. No phone.

I would have so much more to life if I had a job, or a car, or a place that doesn't corrode the inside of my throat so that every 9 minutes I have to clear my throat like a dying old man hooked up to an oxygen machine. Earlier this morning I went into my friend's work, the only place of work I was referenced at. The only place that I was sure was a sure thing. I had my dad drive me down the 6 minute drive which for my dad somehow took 21 minutes.

I walked through the double doors with my resume, my references, my birth certificate, and even my passport, and the first thing the receptionist asked was, "Did you bring your DMV printout." I haven't driven for 3 months. My license is expired.

On the ride home my dad told me I wouldn't get anywhere in life because I was rude and selfish. I asked my dad to drop me off at the grocery store across the street from my house. I took the cookie samples they have at the bakery. Take one, I took four. This is the life. Self proclaimed PUA, staying in walking distance, having to steal cookies, asking my dad for rides. I'm in 8th grade all over again.

I came home. My dad didn't say much. I can't do anything here, I can't. I've tried. I wanted to ask Jason if I could move in with him in Marin, just until the trade job takes me in 6th months. But, I couldn't find the number in my dad's phone. It was in my old phone I left charging. No phone. No call. No way out. Please hold one moment.

My brother came home. I opened the door and walked to the kitchen.

"You have my phone."
"I'll have it in a sec."
"Give me back my phone."
"Okay okay," he pulled my red Kyocera phone out. "I don't have the battery."
"Where's the fuckin battery."
"I gave it to a friend, I'm about to get it right now."
"Why the fuck did you steal my phone in the first place."
"I don't know Jaypee, I don't have a room."

What the fuck!

I told my brother that we were going to get the phone right now. We walked outside, and we passed our designated garage. He threw a bunch of things. I waited. He threw a bunch of things. Grabbed a few scraps of paper. I waited.

"Okay let's go."
"You know we're walking right?"
"Why are we walking, you have the key to your car."
"I can't fucking drive you fucking idiot, my license is fucking expired."
"What, you afraid of some cops man."
"It's fucking illegal."

We walked back and forth in the apartment parking lot as my brother called my nigger and fucking Ameri'can. And don't I know, that he got beat up by cops. It was ten years ago when my brother left for jail before he left Highschool. It was ten years ago. And every morning I've woken up to the same fucked up story about how he got beat up by cops.

"I just fucking want, my fucking battery!" I said.
"Don't follow me."
"It's my fucking battery."
"You want to walk, we'll walk."
"Okay, we'll fucking walk." I could see the cars staring at us yelling at each other as we walked back and forth on the street.
"Don't follow me."

He walked up to me, his chest pressed forward. He nudged me with his elbow. I threw his face back by his neck. I shot in, tackling his legs. And just like that traffic stopped as my brother and I decked into the street, my thumbs ripping into his eye sockets. He pushed me off and I followed him back to the sidewalk, walking back home. Back where we started. I followed short of him, while he told me I was an Ameri'can and I was a Nigger. I turned around, and I pushed him before he could say anything stupid. I threw my fist into his face, and he threw one into the back of my head. I shot for his legs and he kicked me off. "I get it, you think your tough," he said.

"Don't you know I'm on probation," he said leading up the stairs to our house. "Hurry up, before the neighbors see."
"Exactly!" I said, "Why do the fuck do you do this stupid shit then."

My brother sat on the porch as I walked into my house. I threw my shirt off my shoulders and put another one on while I sat on my bed. My brother left. I could see him through my window.

* * * * *

"I don't know Ivan, I've been here for 2 years, don't you think I would've got a job by now," I said into the phone. I know out of all people, Ivan didn't want to hear from me. I haven't been back to church since I left a year ago. Maybe more.

"Dude, it's your fuckin attitude. I know it's not what you want to hear but you need to stop being fucking rude, and be realistic," he said. I promised him that I was listening. But, he knew I wasn't.

While I was asleep

i went to a psychiatric ward when i was in 8th grade

they put me in a gown and everything

and the suicidal girl next to me

who had really dirty socks

was actually really pretty.

but they pushed her in her room

and i couldn't talk to her anymore.

She left while I was asleep.

A Moment in Vegas

Ally pulled her towel up her body, the shape of her bare rear uncovered as she pulled her undergarments out from her luggage. I stayed seated behind her. Gavin and Carlin's faces devoured the hotel pillows as they slept off in absence of what was happening. The only one still awake was Nomi, she sat on the window sill with a book in her hand and an apple in the other. Ally, undressed, stood between me and her.

I traced the shape of Ally's long skinny white legs as she dug into her luggage, her back towards me. She placed her panties down and stepped into them, slightly bending over, the towel slightly rising above her legs. She slightly pulled her hands into the towel, wrapping her butt with silk see through cloth, dropping the towel.

Nomi didn't move. She didn't flinch at all. There was a naked woman between me and her and Ally's bare breasts were facing towards her. I could taste the tense saliva behind my throat and my whole body doing as much as it could to turn the pages of the magazine I held in my hand. My eyes traced the soft sliding indentation of her back, as it rode down to her turquoise panties. And for one unmoving second, Ally turned, her breast and her brown nipple catching a glimpse of me staring, drooling, and more focused than I have ever been focused on anything on the past few months.

Ally turned, caught my gaze, and I turned away. She pulled her arms into the straps of her bra and sat down in the chair next to her. I don't think she cared if she did see me staring at her undressing. Taking a bottle of lotion into her hands, she started dabbing the opening across her legs. It was my turn to shower now.

I posted one hand up on the shower wall and started lathering myself.

(to be continued)

Dreams don't Lie

The white stones were lined with green vines. The grass was that yellow green green grass that shined in the sunlight. It was one of those perfect weather days, with a slight brushstroke of clouds lightly detailing the sky. I took my duffel bag and threw up across my shoulder to meet our new cross country team. I must've said something stupid because when we were in the pool, everyone was looking at me as if they wished I wasn't alive. I didn't sleep to well in the dorms that night.

I woke up and walked out the school to meet my team. I was supposed to be the captain, but no one liked me. As I walked I stared at the golden lights on the white branch trees. I stared at them from below, as if I was actually crawling instead of walking. I walked over the stone bridge, the greenery hanging over the ledge, an almost dried up creek streaming minimally under it. I could see my team. I didn't want to hang around with them. I was the captain.

I could see the other people in a circle up on the other side of the bridge. I knew they were talking about me. I knew it. I walked up to all of them. One thing happened and I was yelling at one person. One Asian, fat, pathetic person, and he looked at me with shifty unconcerned eyes and said, "I don't want to talk to you." They walked. I stood on the bridge alone.

I sat in class, my thoughts ripping my from the inside. I sat in class, looked at my binder paper and looked up. The trees hung loosely on the windows, and I could see the sun, the sky, the grass. Ethan, my best friend, left weeks ago. He doesn't come to class anymore. I wanted more people to respect him leaving. I wanted them to understand he was a good person.

Our teacher walked around with a copy of one of Ethan's writing. Today, we were going to talk about what Ethan did wrong. Why Ethan's a horrible person, and mock him so we could all feel better about ourselves. I saw the piece of paper on crumbled and straightened binder paper. His writing incredibly crooked leaning to the left. Every letter sung off the binder rulings and made me little inside.

Yesterday I was disrespectful. I woke up today thinking I could be a different person. I woke up today knowing that the problem was inside me, and everyone was standing on the side watching. Today, with Ethan's piece of binder paper held up in front of my face by the teacher, I'm lost.

"What the fuck is this, who the fuck do you think you are. You're mocking my best friend. You're mocking my bestfriend."

The teacher looked at me with a courageous smile, "Aren't you the one who said we should remember him."

I could feel my face. I was defeated. I failed at doing everything I've ever tried to accomplish and everything I've ever accepted myself as. I couldn't be team captain, I couldn't be part of my family, I couldn't be anyone. In a world filled with wrong people, all I could be is honest with myself. All I could be is the worst.

My classmate looked up at me, "Who's Ethan?" he said with a puzzled special reprimand.

"HE'S IN JAIL! HE RAPED SOMEONE, AND HE'S IN JAIL!" I yelled as I started crying, "WHAT DO YOU WANT! DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER! KNOWING THAT YOU'RE BETTER, is that what you want. Because we're not better. You've made us this way. What do you want from us! WHAT DO YOU WANT!"

I sat in my seat and felt my stomach thin. I couldn't stop shaking as I put my arms crossed on the table and started crying. I could feel the shear warmth of my tears slide over my arms and onto my desk. I could feel the heat from my shoulders perspire through my cotton shirt. I could feel myself release.

The teacher left. A girl in front of me turned around, and said, "fucking jon! fuckin tornado."

Stop it. Just stop.

"What's your problem."

Stop. Just please stop.

"No, seriously! Why are you acting like this???"

Just STOP!

I could feel my body unravel the seat, my hands wrapped around the face of the person next to me. "What do you want! WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME!"

A boy from the back row spoke from where he sat, "What are you talking about? You're the problem."

"You want a fucking problem, you want a fucking problem! I'll show you a fucking problem." I took someone's milky drink and threw it across the room, landing it on some bald small chinese kid I didn't care for. "I don't even know him. I'll hurt everyone. I will kill everyone! I'll show you a fucking plague."

I threw the boy that was standing in my way down and left. The sunlight and trees breathing through an open door. I walked over the dirt floor, the grass patches randomly somewhere beneath my shoes, over to the cliff. Next to the opening of the cliff were houses. To stand on the roof of a house was only a small hop away. I wanted to hide somewhere and there was a small space between the dirt wall and the house, where I wanted to sit.

I stepped down and crawled further. And then I couldn't move. I was stuck. I looked up, waiting yet to panic. I stared above ground to see the wall of a building. I continued to try to climb out and it wasn't working. A tiny girl, a child, walked passed the wall and I could see her. Her small innocent complexion and her hair rapped into a small bun.

"Oh, you're stuck here because you held yourself hostage," she said her words speaking proclaiming truths. I am stuck. I am stuck.

Ethan's mom walked out the wall with joy blanketing her face. I pulled myself out, patted the dirt off my knees, and stood above ground. Ethan's mom brought me someone to talk to. He walked passed the wall, and I could see him. He wasn't Ethan's dad. He wasn't anyone I knew. I looked at his face and figured he looked trust worthy. I watched them walk towards me.

"I need help," I said. I need help.

* * * * *

I woke up, dark in my room. I could hear my brother yelling at my mom again.

Home

I remember when we use to look up to people as if they always knew all the right answers.

I came home today. I wish I put a lock on my door. I could see the light on in the room.

A quick whiff of air and I could feel cigarette smoke reach the back of my throat. An old mattress. McDonalds paper bags. Puff jackets. The television propped up on a dressing cabinet. My computer moved on the floor. Dirt ripped all over the floor. My brother stood in the middle of the room, while his pregnant girlfriend and some stranger sat on my bed.

"Just chill."
"Get the fuck out!"

I could hear my mom coming, the door creaked open but stopped midway due to clutter. "Jaype, hold on. Just hold on," she said with her overused desperate tone, I've heard so many times before. "This is just temporary."

"No! Who the fuck said you could put this fucking shit in my room. I leave for fucking two days, and you guys move your shit in like I don't even live here," I said. I could see my mom's face so close to mine. I could feel the tense skin on everyone's forehead.

My mom took me out of the room, my room, and told me that my sister had just moved in because she needed to evacuate her apartment immediately. I looked around the living room. My niece's 3 year old toys filled the space between me and the kitchen wall. Plastic containers filled with clothes, teddy bears, her Little Eisteins Drum kit, a broken home without walls stood between me and the television set. I could hear my brother's random stranger friend head for the front door and leave. My brother and his girlfriend wrapped the hallways and ran up the stairs to their room.

I could see my mom's whimpering eyes, I was killing her inside. "It's too hard, It's too hard already."

I went back into my room, slightly unzipped the zipper of the mattress and pulled it by both sides. My brother's 2 radios, 6 jackets in a pile, electric drill, every single thing I could grab; I took and threw it out on the street. The box full of papers, the bag of trailmix, his pair of sweats. All of it. It's on the street. I could feel the grasp of thick broken horded air gripping my throat. I'm home. This is home.

I left at 4pm on Thursday evening.

I could feel my face breathing behind my eyes.

I wonder if people really know how hard life can be.

Well I'm off to have organized sex with the girl I'm dating. I won't be back until Friday night.

Sometimes you could look in the mirror and you could see the monster that everyone else sees.

Sometimes you could look in the mirror and just forget.

Everyone's looking for an excuse.




It's as simple as static.

Band of Horses

No ones gonna love you, by Band of Horses.

It hurts to listen to it. It's like the whole world freezes the skin around me and the past just comes rolling back in.

I have nightmares to this song.

I was coming back from Clearlake with my best friend.

This was the third track on a burnt C.D.

I could still feel the introductory riff.

I stood in front of her work to meet her.

. . . It must be over half a year when she left.

The Pain of Beautiful Women

A pretty girl added me on 20sb a few days ago and everything turned into middle school all over again. It doesn't matter that she lives all across the universe, I still drool looking at her default pic, and I'm just trapped wrapped in her idea.

But, after long endless enduring exaggerated hours staring at her picture, I, somehow, want to do my laundry. I want to follow up my applications and shave my face. I wonder if what I said to her is too aggressive, I wonder if I fucked up, even though it doesn't matter, it still bends me backwards.

I wonder if I'm align with everything she ever wanted even though, she's not even real.

People always come back to Assholes

Notice who messaged who.

Dora
hey. Long time, what r u up to/

1:59amMe
you have skype

2:04amDora
no I dont have skype yet. I have skype name but no number

2:04amMe
you have vid chat

2:04amDora
no I dont have an video, nly email and chat

2:05amMe
im tired
imma go to sleep
nite!

2:06amDora
good night chico

10:50pmDora is offline.

It's like this with one other person, Jennifer. Every time Jennifer IM's me or texts me something, she's always asking to hang out. I ignore her, tell her I'm busy, and she writes crap on my facebook wall.

There must be a formula to consistently create this want that girl's have for assholes. There's gotta be a way to replicate it.

Just some tweaking

Yesterday
5:33pmMe
hey could you do me a favor

5:33pmStephanie
.....?
depends

5:33pmMe
i can't find my phone could you call it

5:34pmStephanie
lolol

5:34pmMe
shut up, it's an epidemic
no but seriously

5:34pmStephanie
callinggggg

5:34pmMe
no you're calling the wrong number
i got a new phone

5:34pmStephanie
well then....

5:34pmMe
#######

5:37pmMe
tell me when you're calling it
i don't wanna look like an idiot trying to find a noise that ain't noising up

5:37pmStephanie
i was but it went starught to voicemail

5:38pmMe
hold up

5:39pmStephanie
?
when are we hanging out ?

(IOI)

(I should've said something along the lines of hanging out. More like the lines of how busy I was and just got back from Vegas. Totally would've DHV'd myself.)

5:39pmMe
i just got the phone
### ### ####
try that one

5:40pmStephanie
calling

5:42pmMe
i mean please try that one
do you have skype i said

5:42pmStephanie
well im at my sisters house using her laptop it has a camera but were going to finish doing my hair in a sec.

5:43pmMe
the pink panther hair
:P:P

5:44pmStephanie
yup... im adding extensions

5:45pmMe
sounds uber awesome
did you know the black lagoon was originally filmed in 3D
in the 50's

(This is me trying to connect with a hipster chick)

5:47pmStephanie
never seen it

(This is me failing to connect with a hipster chick)

5:48pmMe
it's one of those movies you hear about all the time that no one's ever seen
like the first vampire movie, nos feratu
(spelling sucks)

5:50pmStephanie
lol
i just saw Silence Of The Lambs for the first time yesterday

5:50pmMe
never seen it
i can't handle that strange creeper bullshit
like SAW and hostel
if it's mystical like statues running around or certain dolls then im almost always down

5:51pmStephanie
what !
i love scary movies
(This is where I find out that my first instinct was correct but now it's just major fail)

5:51pmMe
well the first saw was pretty good

5:52pmStephanie
Silence of the lambs is HELLA AWESOME !

5:52pmMe
like that ending was totally ba
i don't take lightly to all caps
:(:(

5:52pmStephanie
im excited to watch Red Dragon and Hanabal
thats some sad OCD

5:52pmMe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLrP1cpAjTg
(This is me being an idiot, I should stop sending people youtube videos online. It's very needy)
lol people are funny
have you watched hannibal rising?
that movie sucked

(realizing she's afk, and probably not going to come back because she's getting her extensions done)

6:05pmMe
hey i gotta go, but i just got back from vegas and I got hella shit to do now
ill give you a call some time tho
later!

Today
8:38pmStephanie is offline.

Yeah, that's funny. It's also funny when everyone makes fun of the poor kid and he kills all your classmates and their parents have to pick up pieces of their body

Q&A continued

Man, let me thank you for the efforts you put to answer my question, what you shared with me is gold and the way you went through was just smooth the same as the game should be easy and smooth....

Well, let me update about what happened with this girl before I recieved your answer today.......

.What I did last week was not to ignore her, just got interested in what she was up to recently and she opened up again. I kept the conversation fun and playful some teasing mixed with Kino ( shoulders for attention, her belly to check whether she's fit which was fun also ).
I went out with her after work for a walk, there were positive emotions and finished our meeting with a hug since hug is not common for her as she a japanese girl.( I thought that was a big step forward to show her I m different from the other men she talks to where touching is kind of unusual)
And believe me man, the next day she was chasing me everywhere in my workplace, she managed even to take her break in the same time as mine just to have a conversation with me...the power of the PUSH PULL is extraoridnary, she just wanted more and more of those positive emotions and Touch that she doesnt get often from the other men.......
I m just thinking the next time i m meeting her i m gonna go for the kiss ? what do you think Trigger ? and how to go for it in a smooth way coz she's not from the western culture ? (are women all the same ?)
Thanks my friend for your useful information that i ll definetely apply with her.



Contrary to popular belief, Asian girls aren't that hard unless they're like really really Asian. If they're americanized, they're americanized, so you shouldn't put too much thought into that bubble.

It seems like you have enough attraction to go into qualification. Make sure you go into qualification, it just makes everything tighter. It's like locking in a missile, you could shoot missiles in front of you, but it's best to lock it in.

- Good luck man

Q&A

Hello Mr Trigger,
your posts adn threads are gems on this forum, your words are very wise and mature..cheers for sharing your knoweldge.
My question today is :
I know this girl who i ran attraction, comfort and seduction on her physically escalated except the kiss and the f close....haven't fallen in the friend zone though as she tries everyday to make me jealous by chatting to an AFC guy at work and it's so obvious that she is forcing it and i just keep ignoring her....the thing is I want to reconnect with her and this time fucking escalate to the top. what,s the best way to get her back since there is a huge tension between us ??????

Thanks in advance for answering
****

Well first off, you can't do much at work except be a very outstanding employee. Okay, honestly, if this wasn't a perfect world, what I would do on a whim would build a huge social circle with my employees and tell everyone that she's a ho. Better yet, just talk about her. I was just kidding with the whole calling her a ho thing.

I don't know the first thing about attracting an employee. I really don't. It's something that has to do with body language and being DHV'd by other people.

Y'know what scratch all that. (This is how my brain works)

Whatever you think seduction is, is wrong. The seduction term by the MM complex, is everything beyond kissing. Everything from getting naked in bed, and sex and more sex, that's seduction. You sir, are not even close.

You are stuck in attraction.

How do you know, because the girl that you are talking about is still in push pull technique area by trying to make you jealous. She's still trying to convey that she is better than you, and right now she is.

(Lemme take a few minutes to think about what you can do)

So first off, you DO want to ignore the fact that she's flirting with AFC bob over there, but what you don't want to do is ignore her. Once you do that, you convey that you're frustrated. Although, you do want to start conversation with her, make sure the conversation is about you. I know cruel, but if you think about it, a lot of people are just waiting for their turn in a conversation.

Now, since you did a bunch of things, you need to start building stuff along the lines of values.

Like tell her about how you revisited grandma for the weekend and how you’ve started noticing a need to be there for family. As if people as a whole, aren’t mature enough to appreciate their family when they’re younger, but now that we’re older were mature enough to provide them our sensible kindness.
Boom attraction switch!

Tell her about the classes your thinking about taking in the fall semester. Or if you’re thinking about going to college. Talk about classes you’d like to take and their pros, not their cons. If she agrees or recommends a class, say, that sounds cool, and that you might have to try it out.
Intellegence. Boom attraction switch.

This is where, no matter what, talking to a wide variety of girls will not only help your game, it’ll also help the set that you’re in. Tell her about the girls that are in line to sit on your dick (I don’t use this tone like ever, I’m just using it as a sales pitch, not that I’m selling anything, I’m just making it more appealing so you’ll build a more vibrant self confidence)
Convey to her that other women are waiting and that you can’t wait forever.
Boom attraction switch.

Tell her your friends are trying to hook you up.
Social intuition. Boom attraction switch.

Tell her that the girl’s a sweet girl, but you need a girl that you could argue with. Tell her that you need a girl you can argue with.
Tell her that there’s a girl that been trying to talk to you for awhile, but she’s one of those super hot chicks that gets whatever she wants all the time.

This could humble her.


Talk about how you're planning to go backpacking in New Zealand with as little money as possible and how your friends tell you you could work in apple fields and how you yearn for adventure.

Then you could scrape that all up, build up your confidence, make her feel like she's in the reach of a real man. Then tell her that when you first met her, you thought she was really into herself and only talked about things she liked, and that you suddenly realize that she's a great listener, and that she has a great balance between a sense of humor and sophistication. Then you drop the end all to take all line. "You're really different from a lot of women, you don't find that combination too often."

AND BOOM! You've just accomplished qualification.

From that point you've basically pointed out that you could or want to fall madly in love with her, and from this point on, no matter what you do, you can't help getting close to her and keeping that sacred bond and connection. If you ask for her number, if you ask her out, assuming you know how to ask someone out, it'll all be in good faith. It'll all be because you can't help yourself, and she'll understand that. (Don't ask her out right away, let the tension build up even more, and if she shows you IOI's your clear for a number close, but if not, you've just given her a compliment that'll blow her mind but maybe it's just came out flat)

And if she rejects you, you did do everything perfectly. She probably thinks your butt ugly, and you have to move on. No offense.

Remember, or hint; the proper way to ask a girl out is to ask if she wants to hang out, not go on a date. Then you go into frame shifting, and bouncing, and logistics, where you can actually pull out a lot more good valuable kino, which is waaaay before seduction. So trust me, you got a ways to go kid, before you can actually say that you're in seduction with anyone.

Another thing you have to look into is that this whole work thing is an obstacle you have to overcome. How? I don't know. And you got to make sure you're cool with your employees build a rapport. Listen to them attentively, don't be a douche and just talk about yourself all the time.

that's it for now, feel free to ask.

-Trig

Thieves

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